Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
