dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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