Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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