shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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