My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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