After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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