yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
