Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
