I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
