Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
