youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
