YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
