Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
