They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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