She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
