so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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