your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
