Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
