I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
