So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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