If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
