words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
