a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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