It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
