I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
