it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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