i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
