If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
