it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
