I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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