How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
