I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
