He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
