I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
