Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
