You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
