You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
