i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
