My room smells like vodka and shame
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
