Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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