Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
