You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
