I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
