I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
