i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
