capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
