I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
