Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
