You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
