i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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