Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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