walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
