Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
